It's an evening, a purely sorrowful
evening. In my eyes, I have to tell the truth, the sad truth but soon
will be the beautiful truth. I did not fear, not I did not feel
anything at all. My body is numb as ever. I never had the chance to
tell anyone that I could not feel anything at all. I kept it well
hidden for now. I did not want to cause any trouble to anybody. I'm
here for a cause, one one them relates to a Hellsing Guilliaume.
Hellsing Guilliaume, a vampire I met
far 800 years before. More exactly 839 years ago. When he was 4 and I
was... a hundred something. That time, I still use the name Johann,
which I got from my keeper. I still have my old body, though i
already mixed mine with another. I have no longer crave for green
haired bodies. I find it decent enough having my body formed by some
strong humans. I took a count's body that time. His name was
Rozenkreuz. I kept my stable eye as my body rots. Rumors started
spreading as Necromancy started to be well known. I took the name
Johann Faust, as the called me in the novels.Some heard of my true
nature, they called me for an aid.
If I'm destined to help them, I will.
I have no intention of defying fate no
more.I have heart which it causes me to defy what I didn't like, the
heart also bounds me to my own soul...and my power of clairvoyance,
so I am bound, maybe till that promised end. Pity, I pity myself.I am
no longer human, but a tool to use, a “book” to record everything
that happened around me. My sole mission, which is classified. I have
no need to tell.
Hellsing Guilliaume. A little brat who
I met by the request of Harold Guilliaume and Helena Guilliaume. He
was... not a brat, more like a coward with a weak heart, but he is
pure. He is true to himself and I could not change that part of him.
The deal was I to implant a “dominant personality” to the weak
young vampire. They needed a strong leader to survive, he was not,
just a small demand from society. I pity this boy, because I can see
what fate awaits him. Betrayal, death, but there's a spark of hope,
love, and... a beautiful change afterwards. It is only a matter of
time, vampire time.
As a compensation, I took the little
boy's eye to be a part of mine. I gave him another suited one making
a beautiful heterochrome. I watched him in his early days. For about
ten years then I left. Now, we met once more. As fate turned to us.
He was searching for me as I searched for him. I have no need to
speak in circles anymore if this is about the past and present. I am
only allowed to speak in circles for the future.I cannot change that.
I laughed. I just laughed and smile as
the world rotates. I speak in a tenor voice they say ? Yes, tenor
indeed. I am making a seal that time, necromancy usage for me was
easy. Put a soul to a body and you got what you wanted. The dark side
of necromancy. If it were to put the good side of necromancy, it
would be with prayers. A power above me, yet it was so close to me,
right, my dearest Felicia ?
She is real. I am real. Everything I
will write and see is real. I decided to met the man at the time
designated for our fateful meeting. Just an hour before the dawn. At
the back garden of a mansion we both reside in.I still play the role
of a fun loving kind-hearted vampire. All for the sake of my own, for
my own egoist need, but I too, needed a friend. If friendship is give
and take, I don't believe in it's existence. That's why... I need
proof for my own 'pure' actions. Do i really help people because I
need to ?Or deep in my heart, I want something else ? Is still my
sense of heart or my sense of justice ? Sadly, I can't find my own
answer to my own question by Clairvoyance.
I laughed once more. I pity... I pity
myself because I knew nobody can pity me.
“Nice meeting you once more, Hellsing
Guilliaume...”I smiled. That vampire was reading a thick book like
always. Trying to broaden his views, trying to gain the memory he
lost.His eyes was still the same as I met him years ago. Strong,
dominant, pure, without any doubts in the way he do things. He will
not change, will never ever change. Even if people will see him in
different points of view. I won't.
“Johann!!” He rushed towards me.
Don't come with me with such eyes! I wanted to tell him, but I am
very weak towards his character. I was... human , after all. Weak and
fragile as it should be.The only person... calling me Johann. My
name.
“Raoul,my friend. Now they call me
Dr.Raoul~ “ I smiled to him. He was like a child, I was like a
brother to him.He trusted me, although he was just an “added
personality”. Haha! Funny isn't it ? To befriend with an added
personality ?
“R-Raoul.” He shrugged. “There
must be a reason for you to come here. I want none of your 'fate'
reasons! Just tell me what's the case this time! “ Hellsing crossed
his arms. Only ten years, and he could read my minds like water
flowing.What a charming boy,yes? I wanted to spend time with him,
just a little longer, but that is what fate decides. I finally
spilled out my thoughts.
“I come for you, dearest Hellsing
Guilliaume. I have things to tell you.” I smiled. I finally took
out a crumpled note written in blood. The words are fading in age but
it is still readable. ' I wish to be a friend' was the note written.
I know as soon as he saw the letter, his eyes widen. He remembered
something out of it. Another hidden memory.
“I have regained all my memory! Shed
some light to me why I seemed to remember this paper and yet I
didn't! My memory... those people that tried to kill me. Sheltered me
and sealed me in that coffin. They're dead! Everyone I once loved
were dead. I didn't even know what to do,now. I have no goals! No
purpose to live in this wretched world! “ Hellsing commented. He
didn't live to kill like a hunter. He had no interest in things or
money, not gems not jewels. He is only interested to use his live to
the fullest, then die without any regrets. He wanted to die as
Hellsing Guilliaume, that's all.
I laughed.It was out of pure pity but I
did to lighten the mood.I will be the one who asked questions to him.
“Hellsing, do you ever thought of a certain personality was inside
you ? A weak personality ?” I grinned. His reactions was still,
puzzled. I can't help talking in circles once more. Haha~
“When you was four, I was called by
your parents. They asked me to add you with a dominant personality,
one which could stand any resistance, one who could conquer the
other, one who could... be a leader for their vampire hunter race.
That is you, Hellsing Guilliaume. The personality I inserted.
Superiority Complex, if nowadays people may say it.”I grinned.
“Lies!”
“IT WAS NOT A LIE! “
I closed my mouth.I see this things
were coming, but my vision were too fast.I ended up... yelling? It
was not like me to do that. I was, calm.. at least on my outer shell.
I trembled by my own actions. If I was rash, I could not survive
another decade. Even Hellsing trembled when I suddenly speak in my
high voice.the personality I inserted to him, half was mine. I knew
it, although I myself have doubts.I calmed myself down, before
speaking another word.
I looked at Hellsing. He was quite
surprised to see me in this state. Someone who is more dominant than
him at last. I couldn't hold may laughter. Pity... Now I don't know
who to pity. Myself or him ?
“Tell me, Hellsing. Do you recall
your memories before you were four ?” I know the answer without
looking. It was a definite 'no'.
“When you're at that age, you called
me Johann. In ten years, filled you contract demands. Till now, I
haven't forgotten the crumpled note.”I started to glare at him. It
has been a very long time since my body felt living. Burned in
anger...maybe ? Hellsing took his stance and readied for an attack. A
rapier, like always. “Tell me, Hellsing. You should know that
you're not a pure heterochrome. You SHOULD know where your other eye
is...”
He sheathed his rapier. His face looked
like he admitted defeat. “My other eye... is the blue one you
had...”I know deep inside he was cursing me. He hated me with
burning passion. If I was a fighter, I would actually have a duel
with him instead.
“... if I was a created personality,
where's my original ?!”
I stood in shock. Original ? I haven't
seen him since then. I have been mean to him. Really mean,yes ? For
allowing the 'dominant' to rule over him for hundreds of years.
“You come here to bring back the
original,yes ? You will give me a chance to return to my original
personality and leave this dominant one,yes ? Father and mother are
dead. The contract is over! That's why you came here to took it back
? “
I could not speak a word. It was as
if... he's reading my mind.I knew he will, but... I never know little
details like this should appear. I have a heart to feel it, it
was...sad. Inhumanly sad.
“You... Johann. You wanted me to live
not as a living corpse. You wanted me to live with a purpose. Behind
that words you sounded mean, you actually wanted me to live in a new
light. I knew it. You're always that kind of type.You came here to
offer my 'original' freedom and my 'fake' death...”
I couldn't look at his face. My
expression is ruined as well.Very funny face I put there,funny enough
to cry. He was speaking truth. I came here for that purpose. To free
his original and grant him death.His face always... always will be
this pure in front of me,yes ?
“How long has...”
“You have been using 'dominant' for
your entire life. If you give a chance to your 'original', he will
not have your experience. Maybe he will, but there's only a slight
chance. He would look like a fool in front of others, and I will not
be there to help him. I won't.” I grinned. It was for his best. I
would play the dark role bestowed upon me.
“...for my own good as always? You
have told me those things since I was ten, Johann. I trusted
you.”Hellsing smiled. Cheeky smile like he used to.
“I was in debt of the 'original' for
the use of his body. I do not belong here as I was not in need
anymore. So, I better get going. I will die.”An honorable thing to
do.Very much of a Hellsing Guilliaume. The contract on the crumpled
blood paper was not in use anymore. It was too old anyway.
“I promise to be your friend.Always.
Until death separates us.” I smiled. I will lost my one and only
friend...maybe. “I shall undo the seal now. You will not be here
when you wake up. You will only remember how to speak. Can't read and
you don't remember me, or our conversation. Yet, I believe, you're
still you. Hellsing Guilliaume. You said it yourself. I will never
ever change...” I laughed.My hands are actually trembling. We both
know, we were not afraid of death.Some part of us just wanted to die,
to finish things that are set here and live on with a new page of our
life.
Lies. I am afraid to die. I am...
Though I will be the longest 'human' to
live, I will still be afraid... to die.I guess I am what they said to
be very weak, that's why they choose me.I will be weak my entire
life.
“You don't need goodbyes?”
“That is a goodbye for
me,then...”Smile. A faint little smile in both mine and his.It
seems very odd. My eyes are heavy as well but I determined to look at
what happened to him till the end. One goal, one goal to finish what
I have started, as always.The last thing to do, was to explain his
situation when he has awaken.Then, My contract with him, will be
finally over.
***
